Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Our good news that we had the scan yesterday and I am 14 weeks pregnant with our 2nd baby.

We were thinking that by dates I was 13 weeks - but I was pretty sure I was 14 because I knew from word go when we had conceived because of my dates. I suppose dating wise they suppose you may have conceived at the middle of your cycle but I knew we were 8 days in so effectively 6 days before the average would be worked out. So it brought our date to the 20th September -which is fine as I still have time to be early and keep baby in September.

I was always under the impression that 2nd babies were less exciting because well that is what everyone says- less time, focus on the first one etc - up until now I could not believe that it would be OK because I kind of felt guilt - guilt that it happened so quick for us, and that I knew some of my friends were going through tough times in order to conceive. And so I wanted to wait until the scan to really believe - though the way my tummy has grown, made it obvious there was either a cake or a baby in it ;)

I was convinced that I wasn't going to look until she had done the checks ( we didn't have the downs screening) but as soon as i could see a happy heart beat and all bits in place for this stage -I just was glued to the screen, with silent tears on my cheeks- I kept it to myself because I knew if I really started crying I would not stop. But I really think both of us seemed more excited this time than last. Maybe because we knew what we were looking at more clearly - and that actually realising that we really are on that journey again and that whatever it brings, we can do it together. 

I had to see the consultant due to my em csec last time but actually I am really quite relieved to be in that position. He is a really lovely man, listened so well to my questions, took me seriously, gave me answers and options. I found I had put on lots of weight really quickly and had been far more tired - turns out my thyroid levels had gone right down - they were fine last time - but he has upped the dose a little so am hoping that really makes a difference- it makes so much sense with so many things i was experiencing in early pregnancy ( and i why i also started feeling better at what I thought was 11 weeks - was in fact 12!!
But back to the consultant - he just really supported what I wanted, told me much of what the gp had told me and that if i want it - tell them i want it. said their best practice suggests certain things but I don't HAVE to do things if i don't want to as it doesn't work for all. Ideally they would have me monitored from 4cm but if i feel i want to wait til 5 then i can, if i want to labour on the floor I can, if I want a bath, I can and all the other little queries I had - well, all answered and taken seriously.
I lay awake last night feeling really safe and having a small cry to myself. I am more excited now than I ever was with number 1. and believe me I was excited about her - but i think now the fear is gone because i know what to expect. I thought that would make it worse. But i feel calm, and in control far more. I know it is still a long road ahead but That in 6 months ish I will be holding a little baby -  be it pink or blue - and be looking forward to finding out how much extra love it will bring to the 3 of us.
our number one has been the most amazing child to parent. We have wound our way through cloth nappies, slinging, and a million things between to find what works for us. I know all children are different but I am sure that while it will be different, that is for the best - that we have weathered some massive changes - but we worked together. It has taught me the ultimate in flexibility makes life easiest. Certain expectations are mandatory in terms of behaviour but apart from that - she is who she is - happy, confident, able- because we did our best bringing her up.
I have an incredible husband who has helped me through the thickest and thinnest of times - but i know he will be amazing during labour, and tiny babyhood - and continues to be so. He already has been in my early pregnancy too and if we carry on learning together, it will keep working. Not to say we don't do our fair share of ranting and raving - but we always get there in the end.

Once again I can't say that reiki had anything to do with this for sure - but i am pretty sure it did no harm - all the years i have now had treatments, and the last 18 months of working with the energy have helped me read my own body, recognise the changes and feel when somehow I was just ready. Again - yoga has helped.
I used some mantras my lovely yoga teachers told me - which I could just feel the entire shift, the loss of any potential blockage and a new balance from the appropriate postures. I felt really bleugh after christmas day so I took myself for an hour of practice and went through everything i needed to feel balanced again. The next day we began, then i ovulated, and on that 3rd day i woke up and immediately felt the change in my body. ON the 4th day I did another yoga practise and it felt totally different, i can't explain - it just felt totally rebalanced, well balanced but somehow shiftted- awareness of the sensations in my abdomen that simply weren't there prior to that. Amazing. I love working with these energies.

Hari Om

Sunday, 13 March 2011

Another reiki treatment

Totally forgot to add that as well as a lovely reiki share at the end of Feb, I also had a full treatment for myself yesterday and it was pure bliss .Sometimes we talk during the treatment, but this time I just went off in cloud land about half way through and it was heaven. I felt so completley relaxed. usually i go through states of feeling myself relax another notch but i had no more to let go of and it was brilliant. I don't know where the time went but i was full of light by the time we finished.
I may actually be turning into a reiki junky.

I took it easy yesterday for several hours before doing some jobs and last night I had a perfect 8 hours but as soon as my head touched that pillow, i was asleep and nothing disturbed me and The difference of undisturbed sleep is something perfect indeed.

Looking forward

... to a beautiful holiday with my fabulous husband, hilarious daughter and my loving, giving parents. Taking ourselves off for our regular 5 days at centre parcs. SUch a bargain at this time of year and I can't wait.
I have just realised I have doubled booked myself for yoga and tai chi so need to decide what to do. Really keen to try yoga with a different teacher. I love my teachers to bits and their yoga ( Satyananda) is the absolute right mix of awareness building through meditation, breathing, and asanas. But i think that everytime I have tried yoga with a different instructor, it has made me appreciate their mindful approach even more.
Not that there is anything wrong with other ways and it is great to get a variation, but it just shows me that it really is where I am meant to be.
I could ofcourse do my own practise - which i will anyway- but somehow tai chi isn't feeling right this time, though we did it last time. It is a shame though as I enjoyed doing it with my daddy last time.

We are also heading back into nottingham on thursday as it is the St patrick's day parade and celebrations - so that should be full of fun and games , as it is every year. It will be great to take mum and dad too, Dad especially will enjoy the craic. hannah enjoyed it last year - but I think this year she will be jigging even more _i have her some face paints and finally located my dublin flag so she can give that a wave.

And hopefully as of tuesday 22nd, I will have some more exciting news and plans for the future.
FIngers crossed it all comes together.

Ironing and packing to be done!!!

Sunday, 6 March 2011

Time flies

...when you're grieving.

My Beautiful Cousin, Cathy, passed away peacefully on the 19th feb.
To be quite honest, as sad as it is, it felt like she had fought so hard that it was a relief for her to let go. Obviously not for her family and friends.

It sounds like her funeral was amazing and so many people came to support them and to remember her.
it obviously is the really early days for them all. I spoke to my uncle and aunt ( was shocked to discover it cost med £30 for an hour call but figure it is cheaper than the flights over there i guess) and found out more that I hadn;t know - that as well as being married to Ewen who is a pretty huge comedian and public personality there, she was as involved in the charity side of things - the way she was received kind of reminded me of princess di - that she really cared about others and supported them when they needed it - which is certainly something we really experienced of her. I also spoke to Ewen and then tried her sister too but they were out and as yet have not managed to reach her.

news report 

I feel pretty numb in a way as for me i suppose normal life can kind of just carry on with no real interruption but the knowing what she went through and that I just won't be able to speak to her, email her or share anything with her again is so sad. she was only 36 and had so much to give - but maybe she lived her life so well that she had acheived what was planned, even though it was awful that she couldn't stay.
As my sister's anniversary is the 15th feb - i think i might just avoid february from now on and wake up in march....

RIP beautiful Cathy.