Wednesday, 22 December 2010

trying really hard ..

to be calm and positive..
not actually working.

have had this funny rib for ages since i had hannah. feels a bit lumpy in there too.
last monday the doctor wanted to get me a ultra sound scan to see what it was but was confident it was normal fatty tissue or a floating rib. I had to wait one working day for the info to get there.
Then when i rang i was told i had to wait up to 6 weeks - which i told them was not going to happen and tghey said there were some cancellation appointments up to today.
then he said that i then had to wait 24 hours to speak to someone to check i was refered to the right thing.
i happened to ring back in the evening and they had sent it back to gp who were open til half 6 - i rang them and i knew nothing and they had no info - spoke to a good gp who is a practise partner and seemed really thorough.
when they eventually got it back they said that apparently they dont scan that area only the abdomen - even though it is the abdomen......
so he got me in had a seriously good prod and poke and was really confident it was fine and should not delay baby making process - but that i would need an xray and a blood test, the blood test i had on monday.
went in for x ray yesterday  - done and dusted by 9.20 but would have to wait til after christmas to get results.

today i was out and someone rang without leaving a message - said that they couldnt leave a message but it was nothing urgent...... except i never get results back if they are fine - and suddenly i get phone call and they can't leave a mesage- only a day after an x ray and two after a boood tesst which to me doesn't sound too great.
all well and good being positive but when i am used to waiting ages, suddenly getting a phone call mysteriously isn't that great.
now can't get through - lunch hour apparently- but been like that an hour and a half and now going through to nems.......
i just want to know.
am really cross with dave if he had told me straight away then i could have rung before one.
and if he hadn't tol them my phone was off they may have rung me - it wasn't off either.

i just sit here waiting to find out and terrified.
doesnt help that mum and dad are not coming up tomorrow because dad is ill - probably wont be here for christmas.

Friday, 17 December 2010

Birth, life and death

Right at this moment, I appear to be having another funny ephiphany type moment like I did when i got the big thumbs up from the universe and it came together for me setting up to teach yoga and be a reiki practioner.

Little reiki baby - who is actually called Dylan now - came home with his lovely mummy and daddy today- even a year ago they would never have believed it possible - they were considering that they might possibly try a cycle of ivf but it wasn't that probable......... it is still mind boggling to think of it.

 To me the coming home part was what made it real - arriving back in your house with a live, wiggling, baby to look after forever. So them coming home has somehow reminded me of my own experiences and just how precious it is, even more so for them I think.

Sadly I also received news yesterday of a really lovely chap that I shared a lot of good gigs with. He had been battling cancer, and passed away, age 29, on Wednesday - as little baby was born. It seems so unfair and such a waste that he was such a fabulous guy who gave so much friendship and fun to so many and was passionate about many many things. And that actually - you have no idea what life holds so - you pretty much need to make every second count in the most positive way. Sadly it seems like only the good die young. maybe that is because they fill their life with only good things and they have given the world more than their fare share of good things - they have to leave it for others to do good and take a rest. not that that makes it any more of a comfort i suppose when you lose a loved one too soon.

I have been umming and ahhing and holding on in the last few weeks - and as i was shown with Hannah, life needs to happen so i need to get on with it and take what comes - though i just got another big thumbs up and all clear in the terms of a letter that was expected to not come til january - and arrived today, only 7 days later when it is meant to take at least two!!! great big flag me thinks...

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

When a child is born......

Today, in the car park of asda, I got the tremendous news that the little reiki miracle baby was born this morning, after a long old slog for poor mummy and daddy.

I keep thinking oh a baby is good news, but can't understand why I walked around shopping in such a daze, blubbing my face off and  wanting to tell everyone I met.
So i came home and read the early review she wrote me for the website. The first review is all about the start of a special journey to motherhood.

It is a truly incredible story and I feel very privileged that she has allowed me to support her at such a special time. I am so glad the reiki has helped her come to this point and become a mummy.
I hope to visit her in the coming weeks, and cuddle that little man. He is a very special star who I believe is here for great reasons, not least to give his mummy and daddy plenty of joy and special times.

And just as I thought it was safe, they played " When a child is born" while i was packing my shopping - and I flooded the joint lol.

Many many congratulations to that lovely family.

Friday, 10 December 2010

My own reiki treatment

Finally managed to get myself to a reiki treatment with my reiki master/teacher, June.
All part of trying to get over 4 loads of hideous antibiotics for a uti that appears to be gone- touch wood.
And also part of my next pregnancy journey -preparation stage.

I haven't had all that many treatments this year other than reiki shares - but despite daily treatments to myself, i can't get over how intense this one was!

" Physician, Heal thyself" - ok so i am not a physician but i suppose the general idea is that if you are busy taking care of others, you can often forget yourself - and that leads to being no good to anyone. I really must try and keep this one on board more and finances allowing, need to do so- particularly if i am pregnant. lets hope the yoga classes for next year continue to grow.
what a shame the health in pregnancy grant has been stopped.
I already had mine spent. I totally see why they need to cancel it - not many of the people i know were using it for health related things.
Mine was planned to cover child care while i was at aqua natal, as well as the session for myself - except now the creche has been cancelled too so in all likely hood they will stop the aqua sessions anyway - and being that from about 10 that were on the list when i got pregnant with hannah, this one was the only one left, it's not going to do future pregnant - and post natal- ladies much good.
I was also planning on using it for antenatal yoga as i found them such a great source of support and physical change, but that i know won't be a problem and i am doing so much yoga now, fitness wise i am also a lot better.
I suppose it would all be luxuries the government could well do without spending on- but I suppose i feel hard done by that i would have at least attempted to keep myself as healthy as possible - given we already have a great selection of healthy foods each week, it would not have made much difference on that front...

Anyway- that was by the by.
The reiki session was amazing. I thought alot about the little reiki baby who is coming on monday, and as well as my treatment, we also did a proxy send to mummy to help her relax and sleep as much as possible in the lead up to the task ahead.
For me, i became really aware during the treatment of being wrapped up warm - it really helped all my little problem areas i felt, and the heat was amazing. I am just about to go to bed - way earlier than normal as I feel so totally spaced out and dreamy. am pretty sure that i will be flat out tonight!
It definately had me considering lots of things and sensing changes in my body- all of which i was sure were there when i was getting ready to try before - but i can definately tell now.
And i can already feel how my body is more balanced physically and emotionally - and that isn't just down to 3 yoga sessions in 3 days ;)
Hoping that i can try out this reiki for other mummies who want to be sooner rather than later. SO looking forward to that lovely baby arriving too.

All in all, despite all the bad news recently and illness, hopefully i will see a way through to positive things in life too and even at the darker times, they will be the candle flame shining out.